May

I

have

your

at-

ten-

tion,

please?

May

I

have

your

at-

ten-

tion,

please?

Will

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy

please

stand

up?

I

re-

peat,

will

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy

please

stand

up?

We're

gon-

na

have

a

prob-

lem

here

Ya'll

act

like

you

ne-

ver

seen

a

white

per-

son

be-

fore

Jaws

all

on

the

floor

like

Pam,

like

Tom-

my

just

burst

in

the

door

And

star-

ted

whoo-

pin'

her

ass

worse

than

be-

fore

They

first

were

di-

vorced,

thro-

win'

her

o-

ver

fur-

ni-

ture

It's

the

re-

turn

of

the,

oh

wait,

no

way,

you're

kid-

ding

He

did-

n't

just

say

what

I

think

he

did,

did

he

And

Dr.

Dre

said,

not-

hing

you

i-

di-

ots

Dr.

Dre's

dead,

he's

locked

in

my

base-

ment

Fe-

mi-

nist

wo-

men

love

E-

mi-

nem

Chi-

cka-

chic-

ka-

chic-

ka

Slim

Sha-

dy,

I'm

sick

of

him

Look

at

him,

wal-

kin'

a-

round,

grab-

bin'

his

you-

know-

what

Flip-

pin'

the

you-

know-

who,

yeah

but

he's

so

cute

though

Yeah I

probab-

ly

got

a

coup-

le

of

screws

up

in

my

head

loose

But

no

worse,

than

what's

go-

in'

on

in

your

pa-

rents

bed-

rooms

Some-

times

I

wan-

na

get

on

T-

V

and

just

let

loose,

but

can't

But

it's

cool

for

Tom

Green

to

hump

a

dead

moose

My

bum

is

on

your

lips,

my

bum

is

on

your

lips

And

if

I'm

luc-

ky

you

might

just

give

it

a

lit-

tle

kiss

And

that's

the

mes-

sage

that

we

de-

li-

ver

to

litt-

le

kids

And

ex-

pect

them

not

to

know

what

a

wo-

man's

cli-

to-

ris

is

Of

course

they're

gon-

na

know

what

in-

ter-

course

is

By

the

time

they

hit

fourth

grade

They

got

the

Dis-

co-

ve-

ry

Cha-

nnel

don't

they

We

ain't

nothin'

but

mam-

mals

Well,

some

of

us are

can-

ni-

bals

Who

cut

ot-

her

peop-

le

o-

pen

like

can-

ta-

loupes

But

if

we

can

hump

dead

a-

ni-

mals

and

an-

te-

lopes

Then

there's

no

rea-

son

that

a

man

and

a-

no-

ther

man

can't

e-

lope

But

if

you

feel

like

I

feel,

I

got

the

an-

ti-

do-

te

Wo-

men

wave

your

pan-

ty-

hose,

sing

the

cho-

rus

and

it

goes

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just

i-

mi-

ta-

ting

So

won't

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

Please

stand

up,

please

stand

up

'Cause

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just

i-

mi-

ta-

ting

So

won't

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

Please

stand

up,

please

stand

up

Will

Smith

don't

got-

ta

cuss

in

his

raps

to

sell

re-

cords

Well

I

do,

so

fuck

him

and

fuck

you

too

You

think

I

give

a

damn

a-

bout

a

Gram-

my

Half of

you

critics

can't

e-

ven

sto-

mach

me

Let

a-

lone

stand

me

But

Slim,

what

if

you

win,

wouldn't

it

be

weird

Why,

so you

guys

can

just

lie

to

get

me

here

So

you

can

sit

me

here

next

to

Brit-

ney

Spears

Shit,

Chris-

ti-

na

A-

gui-

le-

ra

bet-

ter

switch

me

chairs

So

I

can

sit

next

to

Car-

son

Da-

ly

and

Fred

Durst

And

hear

'em

argue

o-

ver

who

she

gave

head

to

first

Lit-

tle

bitch

put

me

on

blast

on

M-

T-

V

Yeah he's

cute,

but

I

think

he's

mar-

ried

to

Kim,

he-

he

I

should

down-

load

her

au-

di-

o

on

m-

p-

3

And

show

the

whole

world,

how

you

gave

E-

mi-

nem

V-

D

I'm

sick

of

you

litt-

le

girl

and

boy

groups,

all

you

do

is

an-

noy

me

So

I

have

been

sent

here

to

dest-

roy

you

And

there's

a

mil-

lion

of

us

just

like

me

Who cuss

like

me,

who

just

don't

give

a

fuck

like

me

Who dress

like

me,

walk

talk

and

act

like

me

And just

might

be,

the

next

best

thing,

but

not

quite

me

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just

i-

mi-

ta-

ting

So

won't

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

Please

stand

up,

please

stand

up

'Cause

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just

i-

mi-

ta-

ting

So

won't

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

Please

stand

up,

please

stand

up

I'm

like

a

head

trip

to

lis-

ten

to,

'cause

I'm

on-

ly

gi-

vin'

you

Things

you

joke

a-

bout

with

your

friends

in-

side

your

li-

vin'

room

The

on-

ly

diffe-

rence

is

I

got

the

balls

to

say

it in

front

of

ya'll

And

I

don't

got-

ta

be

false

or

su-

gar-

coat

it

at

all

I

just

get

on

the

mic

and

spit

it

And

whether

you

like

to

ad-

mit

it,

I

just

shit

it

Bet-

ter

than

ni-

ne-

ty

percent

of

you

rap-

pers

out

can

Then

you

won-

der,

how

can

kids

eat

up

these

al-

bums

like

Va-

liums?

It's

fun-

ny

'cause

at

the

rate

I'm

go-

in'

when

I'm

thir-

ty

I'll

be

the

on-

ly

per-

son

in

the

nur-

sin'

home

flir-

ting

Pinc-

hin'

nur-

ses

as-

ses

while

I'm

jac-

kin'

off

with

Jer-

gens

And

I'm

jer-

kin'

but

this

whole

bag

of

Vi-

ag-

ra

is-

n't

wor-

kin'

In

e-

very

si-

ngle

per-

son

there's

a

Slim

Sha-

dy

lur-

kin'

He

could

be

wor-

kin'

at

Bur-

ger

King,

spittin'

on

your

o-

nion

rings

Or

in

the

par-

kin'

lot

cir-

c-

ling,

screa-

min'

I

don't

give

a

fuck

With

his

win-

dows

down

and

his

sys-

tem

up

So

will

the

real

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

And

put

one

of

those

fin-

gers,

on

each

hand

up

And

be

proud

to

be

out-

ta

your

mi-

nd

and

out-

ta

con-

trol

And

one

more

time

loud

as

you

can

how

does

it

go

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just

i-

mi-

ta-

ting

So

won't

the

real

Slim

Sha-

dy,

please

stand

up

Please

stand

up,

please

stand

up

'Cause

I'm

Slim

Sha-

dy,

yes,

I'm

the

real

Sha-

dy

All

you

ot-

her

Slim

Sha-

dys,

are

just